starry-eyedophelia

once upon a time, i was broken i hurt so badly that i had to make others hurt as well and i had to make myself hurt even worse i was scared to live and scared of life and scar(r)ed beyond belief i hated the heart that beat within my fragile chest fluttering beneath my heaving breast my heart, oh, all it wanted was a chance at life and it knew that all i wanted was a chance to die and so it tried to run away it panicked and tried to flee but i swallowed a little blue green yellow pill step by step by step until it stopped, stooped beneath the weight of the world and the weight of my wings after the end, i started to recover i laughed and

i’m lost, drifting through a sea of blank pages and searching for something that makes this all worthwhile. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ picture an enormous white cube —call it a block maybe— and it’s inside your head clogging up the pipes that lead from creativity to creation and not letting anything through it’s stuck and it can’t get out it’s intimidating, but it’s just another blank page in a sea of them we are meant to fill it with words and images, colours and cosmos we are meant to spray paint the sides and tear holes in the fabric and make it ours this block is just another way to exercise

when i am confronted, i shrink away wind my fingers through the threads of his sweater and pull his body in front of mine, cowering in the face of my would-be fearmonger because he is male, meant to protect me when i am weak (which is always, of course) and i am a fee imposed upon this world this world that has succeeded in making me believe that i am worth exactly nothing and that i can do absolutely naught this world in which i am essentially a nonentity in this world of men and money when i have neither a penis nor a paycheck and if a man takes away my freedom or my job or my children or my choices or my anything or my everything or j

“happiness can be found even in the darkest of times if only one remembers to turn on the light” the darkness here is a tangible thing suffocating me with its velvet arms wrapped around my throat like a lover’s touch softly stroking ever tightening to the point where i am unable to breathe ‘turn on the light’ you say there’s a light? there’s a switch? i can’t even find a wall to grope in search of it i am unable to see ‘happiness’ is a concept i can hardly remember what passes for joy now used to be called contentment and it kills me that i am unable to imagine the darkness

From what I remember of those early days, they were joyous and filled to the brim with our delighted laughter as you would tuck me in like a mummy, grab your guitar, and we would shout the lyrics into the night. Sha la la la la la la di dah I would fall asleep with a smile on my face and have the sweetest of dreams. So when did that all change? When did your brown-eyed girl transform into a teary-eyed teenager. Then—worse—an apathetic adult. How could you have been so cheerful through your depression only to become so closed off when faced with mine? Was it life that ruined you? Or did your happiness somehow make you sadder? Al

i see devastation i see a world that puts    band-aids over bullet wounds and can't seem to get its shit together long enough to save a starving child i see infighting and infidelity a nation superman couldn’t save i see bullies and bulimia and i see the media telling me that    i’ll never be good enough i see mindless people killing each other    over imaginary borders and i see broken people killing themselves    because of diseases that are all too real but then i see a mother giving her own life to    save her child’s i see strangers helping each other stand i see simple acts of kindness and love i see a woman

i'm calling out to you--can you hear me? i'm screaming out to you--will you think of me? the dragon's mighty fire is swallowing me whole    will you stand for me? you blade is drawn, held high as if in courage    but i can see the fear in your dauntless eyes you will fail, fail again. night is my favourite time of day ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ this is me calling out to you save me, please think of me always stand with me against the winter show me the summer inside myself make me invincible give me armor no, you say, you don't deserve it no, you don't need it no, it's not okay to want to die what summer? you ask no, i'll scream now no more,

he was tall and muscular the type of body that should have made her feel safe and protected but instead made her feel sick weak useless the kinds of feelings she had nearly gotten used to not feeling as he leans down to whisper in her ear and she whispers back i love you and forgets to mean it